One major disservice I have provided myself, in the past, is the belief that all the little conversations and arguments that I carry on in my head are the true and final conclusions of what I should believe and embrace as the basis for my ethics and principles; my 'acts of confirmation', and when I have allowed this to happen, I find myself stuck in a rut. Simply because I somehow embraced these tenets at my beliefs, and I should be true to them, right? I mean, what would it say about me if I were to constantly change my mind about who I am and how I should behave as a person? I learned today that, maybe, what it would say about me is this:

I am a learning and growing human being.

With emphasis on the 'being', as my native heritage has recently taught me. If I don't grow and learn, I will stagnate; atrophy; shrivel up and die, mentally and spiritually.

It amazes me how much more I have learned in my lifetime since my 'learning years' when I should have spent more time learning about how to learn, not about how to assimilate myself into a society of snot-nosed, know-nothing peers who didn't have a clue, either! I was mostly a loner in school, but only because I didn't fit in any of the social molds that were available for assimilation. I grudgingly carved my own little niche as being 'unique', like so many others.

The hardest part about changing my beliefs is coming out of my comfort zone and making the new behaviors that I want to emulate a living breathing part of my daily life. "Walk the Talk" as they say. There it is again 'they'. The unnamed, yet esteemed, peers that I have used as the gauge for my personal expectations throughout most of my life.

Well, come to find out, 'they' are quite important but in a new perspective. Instead of looking for acceptance and love, I've discovered that in order to fulfill myself, I need to give acceptance and love to 'them'. All those unnamed and yet to be known who cross my path. Hmmmm, whodathunk!

Now that 'path' part is still something I'm deliberating, and it's a work in progress, so where it will finally lead me, I'm not able to say, but I can say that how I walk down that path is, at last, apparent to me, and this is what I'll make my focus, and grow in this knowledge, one step at a time.

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